I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
