The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
