the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
