I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
