Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
