I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
