so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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