it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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