You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
