I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
