Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i drank out of a bidet.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
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