Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize