Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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