so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
