Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
