the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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