Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
