So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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