so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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