Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
