i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
