vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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