dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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