I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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