White coat. Heels.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
