Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize