but the lizard people decide everything anyway
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
