i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
