I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize