I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
