420 ftw
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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