i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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