There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
