I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
