You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
