I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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