I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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