I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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