Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
