you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
