I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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