Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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