love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Just high enough for therapy.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
