two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Randomize
