How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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