So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Randomize
