i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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