you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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