he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
