How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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