his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
