i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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