I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Come see our sink grown plant.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
