every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
