Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
