I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
