I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
