Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
