I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
