I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
