how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
