Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
