i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
