dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
