"it" just moved
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
