i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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