this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
