One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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