Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
