ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
