dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
