Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
