Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
and you fell through a lawn chair
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
